Tuesday, February 17, 2009

How Travis the Chimp went kookoo

Recently, we learned that a movie star chimp was killed by the police. Here we take a look at the story behind the story.

Here’s a list of edifying video clips:

What has really happened (our comments in red, Travis’ in italics):

  • Travis was 15 years old, suffered from Lyme disease and had 200 lbs (90 kg) – trait Bush was treated of Lyme disease a few years back (wp, cbc)
  • In his youth he appeared in ads for Old Navy and Coca-Cola, at the Maury Povich Show and a TV pilot – cultured and with a penchant for the finer things in life
  • Travis would go for rides in his owners’ cars and trucks (they had a towing business), opened doors, dressed himself, brushed his teeth, was toilet trained, would bathe, eat at the table and drink wine from a long-stemmed glass, surfed the ‘net for porn and watched TV with the remote – if he kept the toilet seat down, he was certainly the ideal mon! 
  • His owner was Sandra Herold and her 55 year old friend Charla Nash – There are a few documentaries around the sex trips taken by old, rich white women to Africa (reuters, ipinions). There’s even a German tourist who went berserk in Kenya in a similar episode (indy).
  • Travis also went kookoo in 2003 when he escaped from his owners’ car and roamed the streets of downtown Stamford. He was caught only when he got exhuasted. – TravisMonkey : We goin’ downtooown, baby! Let good ol’ Travis show you a goooood tiiiime!
  • The day of his death, the owner had called her friend for help. She could not manage him, even though she had given him Xanax. – Travis Monkey: Bitch, what did you put in my tea, I feel funny?!? NOOO! We ain’t gonna talk about our relationship again! I don’t luv u, can’t you get it through your head?!?
  • When her friend arrived, Travis attacked her as she was getting off the car. - Travis Monkey: What don’t tell me that you thought bringing a 2nd old, useless pussy will make me happy? I liked to screw you when you were younger, now you’re like used tires! Take your pussy off my face, you make me sick! Let me just go away, fo’ Chris’sakes! Gimme the key, bitch! JUST GIMME THE FREAKIN’ KEY!!!
  • The owner came back with a butcher’s knife and started to stab him (numerous times) – Travis Monkey: Oh, no. Not again. You wanna stab me cuz I won’t pleasure u no mo’?!? And what is that? You call that a knife?!? THIS is a knife!! And I won’t stab u wid it no matter how well u beg!
  • Police and an ambulance came to care for the owner’s friend, then Travis attacked a few policemen. As they ran to their cars, Travis went after them, and opened the door of a cruiser. The police officer inside shot Travis numerous times. - Travis Monkey: Ye freaks! I’ll show you who’s the King of this castle! What’s that, mon? Drop the gun, let’s fight it out, mano a orangutano!
  • Travis ran away and seeked shelter in his cage, where he died. – Travis Monkey: Checkmate. ‘Tis a good day 2 die.

At the end, a few clips from Monkeybone – watch it, if you’re in the mood for a weird and krazy comedy.

Sources: ng, ap, msnbc, cnn, cnni, bbc, mw, register, torstar, gm, lyme, xanax, yt

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